first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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