nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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