I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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