The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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