I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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