Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize