Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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