Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize