Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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