Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shame - the story of my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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