3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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