Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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