Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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