How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize