I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize