Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come on in and take your pants off
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