Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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