1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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