just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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