I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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