I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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