Do you still have your period?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize