highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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