Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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