Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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