When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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