my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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