Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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