Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i drank out of a bidet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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