Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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