you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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