you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize