Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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