Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize