I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize