Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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