I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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