...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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