I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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