you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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