Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize