I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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