I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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