Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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