Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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