dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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