someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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