And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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