Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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