i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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