im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize