hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Two words: nipple clamps
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